Let’s face it: just because you can write a novel or a poem doesn’t neccessarily mean you also know how to write a letter to a publisher or a literary agent. You may have spent years mastering the art of literary composition well enough to send a polished first foray to the rather terrifying foreign shores of other people’s desks, but striking and insightful use of metaphor does not neccessarily translate to skill with cover letter composition. Overenthusiasm or ignorance, arrogance or insecurity may be secretly undoing you. And alas, there are no comparable workshops where your peers can tell you that “Dear Sir or Madam” sounds cliche. But we here at BookInfo.net are compiling the recommendations of a few publishers, so that those foreign shores don’t bear such a resemblance to charging uphill at Gallipoli against the machine guns.
My personal favourite of those I’ve come across so far, Ms. Whitfield’s Dictionary makes clear precisely how foolish common inclusions in cover letters sound by comparing them to equivalent come-on lines. She then follows up with an explanation as to why this potential tactic is a faux pas. Her amusing and consequently extraordinarily helpful advice runs through an entire potential cover letter, from:
You say: ‘I know you don’t usually accept unsolicited manuscripts, but please, just have a look at this.’
Dating equivalent: ‘I know you’re married, but please, just go out with me once.’You say: ‘I know you don’t usually publish this kind of thing, but please, just have a look at this.’
Dating equivalent: ‘I know you’re gay, but please, just go out with me once.’If they have a policy, it’s there for a reason, and asking them to change their minds will just feel like you aren’t paying them the courtesy of assuming they mean what they say. Half the letters they get are asking them to make an exception of some sort, and after too many such requests, they start to look depressingly unexceptional.
…through possibly less obvious errors (at first):
You say: ‘I’ve studied literature and have a degree/qualification/teaching cert in it.’
Dating equivalent: ‘I’m good at relationships - I’ve watched a lot of romantic comedies.’Studying and doing are totally different things - and if you don’t seem aware of that, it increases the chances that your work isn’t good.
…to more obvious ones:
You say: ‘I’ve been seeking a publisher for many years.’
Dating equivalent: ‘I’ve been trying to get laid for many years.’Doesn’t sound good, does it?
…
You say: ‘I know this book isn’t perfect and shows my inexperience, but I’m hoping you’ll recognise the raw talent within me.’
Dating equivalent: ‘I’m not ready for a relationship at the moment - you don’t mind staying single till I am, do you?’Sorry, but if the book isn’t ready, they won’t want it. Publishers and agents aren’t there to nurture raw talent: you have to work on your talent until it’s up to publishable standards. If you need someone to support you through the process, find a teacher or join a writing group, but there’s nothing a publisher can do with work that isn’t up to scratch yet.
The clever author and former editor also has an example of a good cover letter, which is equally useful if signficantly less hilarious. Be sure to read the entire article—it’s worth making into a poster, perhaps as “All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from the Publisher-Dating Dictionary.”